Dear Peggy Peggy answers questions about extramarital affairs * by Peggy Vaughan      * Note: These questions are NOT taken from the           3 Collections of Questions sold on the site in pdf. Printed copies can be purchased at Amazon.com To download free copy of PDF version, go to list of Free Books. (Read List of all 260 Questions Below.)

I have dedicated the past three decades to working with people who are struggling to deal with the impact of extramarital affairs in their lives. I have heard from thousands of men and women (on all sides of this issue), giving me a window on the world of affairs, providing valuable insights about this all-too-common experience. My understanding is strengthened by the fact that I also know about this subject from firsthand experience. Since 1955, I have been married to my childhood sweetheart. I, like many people, never expected my marriage would be vulnerable to affairs—but I learned the hard way that no marriage is immune. The sense of blame, shame and devastation that is so common to this experience is intensified by the secrecy that surrounds it. We need much more "responsible honesty" about this life-altering experience. Since 1980, when my husband and I began speaking publicly about our experience, we have tried to educate the public about the prevalence of affairs and the need for a societal effort to deal with it. This book provides new perspective on this issue through hearing the voices of the men and women who have "been there." It contains letters from those who have had affairs, from the hurt spouses, and from the third parties. The common thread of all the letters is the pain and devastation experienced by everyone who finds themselves involved in any of the various roles. In my responses, I do not give individual advice; rather, I address the issues presented in the letters, using rational thinking to address this very emotional situation. (Note that all of my responses are directed to you, the Reader—not to the specific individual who wrote the letter.) These letters are not taken from the thousands of personal letters I have received through the years. All the letters in this book were submitted specifically to be answered in a public forum. (They were sent to me between 1996 and 1999 while I served as an expert on extramarital affairs for AOL's Online Psych.) I hope this book will provide information, understanding and perspective for all those who are currently struggling with this issue—as well as for those who can use this information to avoid facing this situation in their own lives. In fact, everyone needs this kind of perspective because everyone is likely to be touched by affairs in some way—either personally or in responding to a friend or family member who needs help in sorting through their own experience with affairs. I hope you will use this book to become better informed about affairs and to engage in responsible discussions with all those who are important in your life.

Peggy Vaughan, June 1999