Help for those who Divorce
by Peggy Vaughan

I received an inquiry as to whether there is a "DearPeggy" site for those who chose to divorce, which came as a surprise—since my goal is to provide a lot of information aimed at helping people personally recover from this experience—regardless of whether they stay married or get a divorce.

While I do have a section of articles related to "Rebuilding the Marriage," I also have a larger group of articles aimed at "PERSONALLY Recovering." These articles are relevant for everyone dealing with a spouse's affair, including those who are getting a divorce. And I begin my list of articles with a lot of Basic Information—that is relevant for everyone who wants to understand more about affairs. See: Articles about Affairs.

It's important to understand that recovery takes two forms:
--there's personally recovering from the emotional impact of the experience.
--then there's "rebuilding the marriage."
These are two completely different kinds of recovery. See my article: Keys to Personal Recovery.

Some people who stay married make a good personal recovery and rebuild the marriage, but many others stay in a deadened marriage and remain bitter and resentful. The same is true for those who divorce. Some make a good personal recovery and go on to form a more satisfying relationship with someone else—but others carry the emotional burden with them into whatever relationships they have in the future.

So one of the first things I try to do is to provide some perspective for people who are struggling to make a decision about whether to stay married or get a divorce. While each couple needs to determine for themselves the best course of action, the decision is best made if it's based on the prospects for the future—not simply on what happened in the past. So I try to provide some guidelines that can help in the process of making this determination. See my article, Deciding whether to stay married or get a divorce.

I can understand how it might appear that my Website is only for those who choose to stay married—since I provide so much information about issues related to rebuilding the marriage. This emphasis is not meant to imply that everyone will or should make this choice—only that people who would prefer to stay married are given information that helps them see how it's possible to rebuild the marriage and re-establish trust.

Finally, I want to highlight the other resources I have provided for those who are dealing with divorce.

--Books: I have reviewed a number of books on divorce. Go to Reviews and click on the "Marriage/Divorce" category to find a list of books. When you click on any book title, it takes you to my review page which also includes a link to if you wish to order the book.

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